Saturday, January 03, 2015

1st post after years

again. after so many yrs of not posting, n telling myself i should post some happy things instead of jus recording those unhappy stuff. i am back once again to vent.
i couldnt find anyone to talk to. not even my closer friend.  sometimes i wonder if the closeness is not real. to certain extend it is. but when it comes to what level. its nv mutual.
whenever i feel like maybe i have found ny soulmate or bff . it turns out to be jus my imagination. whenever i take the initative. i feel like i am being ignored. once agajn i am being fly kite.  everytime 都是我一个人掏心掏肺,到头来。。一个人滚一旁自己失望去。好累,真的好累。
这一次,看似一件微不足道的小事。对我却是在一次的 伤到了。我也说不清为何。 自己其实也有点莫名其妙。 但是就是这个感觉。没法掩饰。
要找一个知心人真的好难,好难。不是付出就有回报的。且不说男女之间那种,同性之间想找一闺蜜,真不容易。 说说的有很多。真正了解的有几个。主动去了解人,但没人想了解你。 那种感觉真的很不好。
我刚刚就再一次感受到了。 不知是第几回了。好失望。好累。好绝望。 我真的再一次被伤到了。I need some time to calm my emotions down.

同时发现想找一个人说说都没有。 你看我可不可怜。no choice. therefore. i am back here.

telling myself it is jus a small issue,没什么大不了. 重新再一次展现笑脸迎人。thats what i do best isnt it?