Thursday, July 07, 2011

today again, i am hurt by a simple comment.
from someone who thought he knows me.
ppl always think they know me.
they thought what they see of me is the whole part of me.
but how many really do want to know the real me?
how many understands me?
this applys to all friends.
i have no soulmates to talk to.
the only thing i thought i am best at, which is dance.
i realise i am losing it.
my knees and joints are all breaking up.
my brain cant remember as well.
i am getting older.
my complextion is getting worse.
i am getting fatter.

i know i am strong on the outside. but i am very fragile on the inside.
ppl hurt me without knowing it. cause they thought i am strong.
i know i am a very straight forward person. but i nv make a comment on the person personality to the person direct,
as if i know that person inside out.
at the most i will just discuss / talk to a 3rd party abt how i feel abt that person.
but i wont go to the person and say, i think u too self-centred.
i think u too selfish to behave like this etc.

so thats why i also cannot take it if someone just tell 3rd party INFORNT of me that;
i think she(which is me) not good at talking, why not u do it"
cause thats totally not true.

ppl who really really knows me,
know i am a scssior mouth but soft-hearted person.
i can say it like as if its nothing but i dun bear to do it.
i am good to all my friends,
i nv reject their request for help.
though i might nagged(stress)

i need to reflect on the outterself that i am showing ppl and how ppl think of me.
in fact , i only feel that my sec friends knows me better.
they know me, i am very happy when i am with them.
but i am still hoping for a soulmate.
someone who i want to listen to and wants to listen to me.

i am telling myself not be affected by a small comment.
but i am.
cause i am very shocked every now and then when i heard what ppl think of me and i know thats not true.
i dun understand why is ppl with a bad character but nice outlook can have someone willing to tahan them and think they are great.
while cause i dun look as good. then my character will be double times bad?
though i fact i know i am a generally kind person.

looks really means alot.
it gives you extra credits to clear the other parts of ur unperfection.

i seriously dun understand why is the world create to be like this.
god ,can u tell me?
can u answer me why my life is being plan and plot this way(by you)?

can u give me a preview is there is still hope?